my sanctuary…

@#$&^ Shop! – Afterthoughts.

Writing with a heavy heart.

I believe I’ve caused a dear friend to feel terribly disappointed and upset for helping me out, not to mention a cheering effort that went really wrong. *sad*

I failed to mention something in my previous post. In dealing with the cursed shop’s people especially the idiot obasan, I really didn’t know how to defend myself. All I know was, at the back of my mind, it was NOT my fault…

Okay, okay, I should’ve been more careful and alert. *what*

The thing is, the shop itself was at fault also, okay!

I did try to assert my innocence by pointing out the way the cursed thing was hung, but it was a dismal effort at best. Instead of confidently stating out the obvious, I was more like whining… *sad sigh*

Had my colleague not stepped in to solve the matter, I guess I would have just lingered on until I found the right words to fend for myself. While obviously trying hard to hold back my tears. >.<

Unfortunately, time was not at my side. It was just after lunch and it was time to head back to the office already. I could have asked my colleagues to head back first without me, but I really didn’t thought of that. In fact, I was actually hoping that they could’ve said something in my defense as I felt quite lost for words and my fatigue and tardy brain were of no help at all. But I do realize that it was non of their business at all, after all in the end, I was the one who caused the cursed thing to fall…

Which is why I think my colleague stepping in to resolve the whole thing is not wrong at all, although it did cost me more money, my pride and my innocence.

Yes, I still think it’s NOT my fault. Well, not entirely…

And yes, it did hurt my pride quite a bit. *cry*

But I never blamed my colleague because at least she took the initiative to help me out.

If anything, I blame myself for being so weak. *cry harder*

I was even too sorry for myself to do anything about the cursed thing after that too…

As for her cheering effort, it was a case of good intentions turned wrong.

One very important detail to bear in mind here is, I was really angry and upset then (and I still am). At the back of my mind then, I did realize it’s a small matter actually, and I did realize I should have been more careful.

I guess I should’ve just told her then how her responses were actually hurting me…a lot…

I’ve actually experienced it once with her before, but back then I wasn’t as angry as this time, so I just let it passed without thinking much about it (in fact, I’ve already forgotten what I was angry about…).

These two instances led me to think that she isn’t very sensitive when it comes to handling angry people.

But. She was just trying to cheer me up and give me encouragement to face the music. Unfortunately, I guess she must have used the wrong way, because I ended up feeling worse. T_T

It was just a simple request to put the cursed thing out of my sight. I know it’s a small matter, I know what I did wrong… And I also know that I didn’t want to see that darn thing ever again.

When I thought she was being disrespectful to me when she hahahaha-ed and simply refused to assure me that I’ll never see the cursed thing again, at the same time, she was really just trying to lighten the sour mood and give me a push out of the unpleasant experience.

Such is the fragile communication between two beings who were being equally stubborn at the same time.

I’m sorry, dear friend, if I inadvertently hurt you with my previous post. I didn’t blame you for anything and I never will. But I don’t deny that I was really hurt though.

Funny how such a small matter can cause such a ruckus in my small, small world…

Well, there I’ve said it. My world is small, after all.

I’m still not stepping into the cursed place. *what*